On Barrier and Blessing

Well, it's surreal almost - I sit here ready to board a plane back to Peru in just a few hours.

When I left Peru in 2011, I did not know when I would return. Immediately, in my own planning, I knew that I desired to go back, and so I started, mentally if nothing else, planning for the return. For me, it was not a question of "if" I would return but simply "when" that moment would arrive.

Now, I sit in the lounge awaiting the ride to the airport. I guess that moment has come after all. However, the journey has not been so simple as I first imagined. I had to first lay it down before God ever allowed me to take it up again.

You see, somewhere in between the time when I came back from Peru the second time and right now, returning to Peru had subconsciously become like an idol to me. Now, I never would have called it that, but pretty soon Peru became the thing about which I was passionate. Yeah, the ministry and sharing the Gospel there was what got me going, but my friends began to see that I had a passion for Peru. The passion for the Gospel that came along with that, though not forsaken, was somewhat of peripheral focus for me. I knew that when I returned to Peru, I would definitely share the Gospel, but getting back to the country came first.

For awhile, I tried. I tried again and again to return. My heart longed to go back to the place where God had so captured my heart and changed my life. Again and again as I tried, plans fell through; I prayed that God would, in His timing, lead me back but mostly I just waited. Then, one day last fall, a chapel speaker shared about what he called "geographic idolatry." Geographic idolatry, as he called it, was what happens when we long to follow God and He leads us somewhere that captures our heart in a way we haven't before experienced. This call and leading is good, but geographic idolatry happens when slowly, subtly we begin to long for the specific location as much as, if not more than, God Himself. We convince ourselves that once we return "there" we will be able to fully follow the plan which God has set for us.

This chapel was the beginning of the process of God breaking my heart again - not for a people or place, but for Himself. As much as it would make a good story to say I left chapel that day running to the front of the auditorium laying my idolatry aside, the actual story tool much longer. I left that morning feeling convicted and began praying that God would break my heart. Day after day, when I sought Peru, I had to repent and again seek my Father - the One who had brought me to Peru in the first place.

I did not immediately quit desiring to return to Peru. But, God did bring me to a place where I could honestly say before Him that I would be willing and obedient wherever He leads - even if that means never returning to the place for which I so desperately longed. I continued praying for Peru and was open if God should lead me back, but God began to show me the necessity of full obedience in the moment - right here, right now. Living for the moment I would return to Peru, only treating now as a "waiting grounds" for then, led to justification that half-hearted obedience now was okay, because someday soon I would be there.

While I could keep describing more of the details and process through which God has brought me, I will instead bring this post to a close with reflecting on God's faithfulness. The title of this entry is "On Barrier and Blessing." We often do not look at barriers in our plans as blessings from God, but sometimes that may be what they are. God brought many barriers into my plans of returning to Peru so that He could finally break and teach me the blessing of "living right here, right now - seeking full obedience in the moment." In just a few hours, I will return to Peru again. But, that's not how I see or measure God's faithfulness. He could never have brought me back and He would remain just as faithful. Rather, I see His faithfulness in bringing me to a point of continual surrender, drawing me closer to His heart in every step. I have no way of knowing how many more steps He has for me; it will be a refining process until the final day. Continually, God will call me to again lay down the creeping idols in my life, call me closer to Himself.

He's doing the same for you. It may take a different form than it has for me, but God is drawing and calling you to Himself. Lay aside "every hindrance" and fix your eyes on Jesus - He is faithful.